The Lady Slipper... A short story

You will find something different in the latest story. A short story called, "The Lady Slipper".

I have been writing and getting things around but yesterday I needed to lie down for a bit. One of those days. When I awoke an hour/half later a full, short story had played out in my dreams. Interesting enough, nothing that I have read, seen, looked at or has been brought to my attention in months would even trigger such a story.

I had to write it and so I did; between 7-10PM last night I completed the entire thing.

It hit me in many areas personally. And, probably like some sod, I wept while writing it as well. Catharsis? Hard to say, however, I still tear up even as I re-read to edit it.

It tells a story... one I hope you will get. I will not tell you the premise but I will give you the two main characters... Jaden and Cory.

Look for it in the latest updates coming this weekend.

Whilst I could push myself more at times, alas. The 'wine bar' is closed down for another week or so for the summer holidays. I always write better there while the din of small talk and glasses clinking prevade the entire place. I find solace there as opposed to where I currently reside. Yes, I use the term reside. I do not live here. It is not now, nor has it ever been my 'home'. It is a temporary place in my mind. Those who know me well and know what I deal with are well familiar with what I mean.

I am biding my time.

BTW, for those who are wondering. My 41st was a quiet affair (occurred 'Pride' weekend again this year, although I didn't attend) with two friends (one being the Ex). It seems everyone had something on their 'plate' and/or never bothered to contact me in maybe doing a large BBQ (sans gifts). C'est La Vie... I still can't believe I'm 41. Then again, recently when a 12 year old asked me how old I was I mentioned that when I was born that they Periodic Table of the Elements on held one item, Dt (Dirt).


TJay

I touch myself....

Ok, I read the following letter (not sure if real or fake) and nearly spit my morning caffeine across the keyboard from laughing hysterically.

"Oh what we do when no one is watching"

The next thing I hear in my mind is the 'Diviynls' singing.

Oh what we boys do when we think no one is looking! Especially in college! How many times have we got back to our dorm rooms and found our roommate was not back from class and yelled, "FUCK YA!" then took the situation into 'hand'. Boxes of Kleenex, TP stolen from the bathroom, old t-shirts or the stray pair of boxers to clean up the evidence before someone gets back. Mind you, we forget that the room will have an odour of 'Comet' cleaner for about a half hour after the fact. ROFL!

Then again, it's that morning or afternoon 'pull' on nature that we do in the dorm shower and then 'wash the stress' along with the evidence down the drain. Ah the memories! Especially in those communal bathrooms were the top of the shower stalls barely came to the top of your head and then you dreaded to get next to the guy who was 6 foot or taller for fear that they could peek over the top and see what you were doing. Then again, maybe like many of us who were coming to terms, you actually hoped the hottie next to you or that special crush did get a peek!

It all goes to say that we all have our needs and fantasies...

Now, I'm starting to get the hang of this Blog thing (just like building websites) so this is getting a bit easier to write.

STORIES:

As I said in the previous post, 'DEATH COMES KNOCKING's latest chapter is complete and waiting for upload but I've also completed the newest chapter for 'LOVE IS BLIND'. College days (or is it daze for our Justin) are just beginning.

More later


TJay

ME

Me...

Yep, this post is about me. I've hesitated for a long time to put a picture up of me on the blog. I always wonder who'll be 'Goggling' my name and using it against me for potential work but I've come to the decision to just say, "Fuck it!" and I'll fight it if necessary.

I can't be anyone else but me.

There is a stigmata that you bear in a way when you are a Gay Author or for that matter an author that writes gay themed literature. People automatically assume that you are some sort of pervert or that it will hurt their underlying business if they hire you (**rolling my eyes here**). Why? Because of fear. And damn-it-to-hell, I've lived through too much and come to far to live with, in or around fear. Life didn't afford me the wonderful opportunities that so many of my GLBT brethren had set before them but I deal with it.

What made me decide to finally post a pic? Hmm... Well, I received a load of pictures yesterday from one of my best friends who is also my Physician. (I have two best friends in this world: My Ex and my Doctor. And, well, fuck, now I'm tearing up, without either of them I wouldn't be here at the moment typing this damn thing). They were taken at his 'wedding'. He and his new partner (love him, plus he has the same name as my Ex so he chose well, GRIN!) said their vows about a month ago and had a professional photog there as well. She is one feisty young women (NE: methinks she's a Lesbian but I'm not stating one way or another) who wanted to take pix of me. She scoffed about my comment about "Never having a really decent pic taken." So, she made me sit in chair and take some. I used the black and white one because it looked cool.

"Life is a banquet and most 'Sons-a-bitches' are starving to death" - Auntie Mame

Life's 'banquet' is knowing that you have to take your own destiny in hand and run with it. It's like playing poker and, yeah, sometimes you get one shitty hand but hell that doesn't mean the next one is going to be any worse.

Mind you, it drives me nuts that of late that I have had quite a few bad ones dealt and been annoyed with the dealer. Put me into a bit of a funk and kept me from doing things, including writing. I just wanted to read. Read things that made me feel better inside and would take away some of that hurt. IE: "I'm reading gay love stories."

Not those cheesy 'Harlequin type'... "the wind blew through his hair..." ETGRH, URP (retching sounds of bile rising here) but recently Gay Manga. Oh yeah, as a good, close and loving friend calls it, "That cartoon stuff!?!!???" "Uh huh, yes, the gay Japanese, comic style stuff that you read from the back of the book to the front from the right to the left." BTW, it's in English for those questioning since my Japanese is severely limited and I can only read a bit of Katakana (the form of Japanese that creates words using sounds based on the Hiragana characters). And even that is really rusty.

I've been reading it voraciously of late again because it has a lot of the angst of love and fulfillment at the ending. I'm not saying every ending is perfect but you walk away feeling that there is some sort of resolution. It's been a help. Plus, they are some damn good writers as well.

For those who know and I've talked with, FYI: I'm better inside this morning. I even had a semi-spat with the Ex on his drive to work over family stuff. More of a venting of things on my end that he took the wrong way but we got through it. (HA! Didn't think I'd type this did you Hun?) Then again, he didn't sleep well either so he was a bit cranky. He is a good man and I appreciate him more than anyone else in the world.

Now, I finished editing Chapter 13 of Death and will be sending out for uploading later today. I'll be working on editing Chapter 14 plus begin writing on both 'TOMORROW' and on 'LOVE IS BLIND'. The characters of 'FOUND' have been rather quiet of late.

Lastly, I have to remember to take to heart what a very talented writer on Nifty said once in a story: "You just have to know that you deserve what the universe has to offer." I think it's one of the most profound statements I've ever read.

ATTRACTION IS 9/10's OF THE LAW

Here I sit in green boxers and an orange t-shirt doing the reverse 'Aquaman' garb thinking about the conversation I had last night with a young lady friend (still at the ripe old age of '18') at my friend's wine bar. I stopped by after my meeting to see everyone and let them know that I was 'alive' and still going after dealing with being sick.

I'd brought the new Genre magazine (well, December's issue and the last one since I'm not ordering it. It came free with a personal ad that I'd composed last year; which got me nowhere, BTW). I figured I'd thumb through it and talk as opposed to working on stories while I sit at the bar 'knoshing' and having something to drink. We were looking at the men (BTW, the mag's changed and not for the better with the new editor taking over) and discussing their pro's and con's as other friends stopped by to comment as well. The funny thing is that this 18 year old female thinks the same way I do. Men can be too pretty.

That's right, I said it. Men can be to pretty. Most of the 'boys', and I do mean boys, in these magazines are poster children for the 'S & M' crowd (that's 'Stand and Model' not the other ***whip cracking in the background****) of Gay, Bi and Metrosexual men out there today.

She and I had a long discussion about what it means to be 'attractive'. For both of us, we like to see a bit of scruff on a man. Why? Machismo? Macho? What it is to be a man? Possibly, It's attraction. Plain and simple. They look good. Example: Latinos. The next thing I heard was one of my other friend's say, "Ok, but what about your attraction to Asian men as well? You 'Rice' seeker." Actually they used the term 'Rice Queen' till I raised an eyebrow.

They know me well enough to know that last description doesn't fit me in the least bit. I will admit, like most gay men, I have my moments of drama but generally you'll find me having no issue with mucking out a horse stall or using my hands. I hate cats (well, that's rather strong but with few exceptions, I don't care for them in the least bit) but I still will clean out the bloody litter box.

"Asian men can have a masculinity about them," I shot back quickly and opened the laptop to prove my point.

'Thank's to Paul for this pic'

I could post some more but I'm not sure if those who read this are ready for 'Mr. Nude Asia' or Mr. 'Hot Tamale'.

Which brings me back to attraction and my friends/acquaintences. I guess really is that I've been thinking about this since reading a friend/acquaintence Blog post for a while now and how they describe themselves even after being 'manhandled' by those around them. He's a Physician in Malaysia (incredibly smart and witty) and yet still thinks of himself at times (at least in posts) as less than attractive (At least your getting 'manhandled' Sung! I think the last time I was in that situation was when I had a full physical!). What do we see in our attractions? I know I've recently been made aware of men who are skinnier and built who are totally and completely attracted to big, burly, hefty bearish men. Is it true that opposites attract? That's hard to say at times due to what I see on certain sites and if/when I go out to the bars. I know that I'm not hit on very often and then when I am I get concerned whether I'll have to call 'Nine-eleven' due to the 'freak' factor that arises. Remind me to tell you of the time the guy in his late 50's and in a 'diaper' jumped out at me during Pride.

All thing considered, what is attraction?

Chapter 8 of Death: Well, I'm heading into finishing it up, finally. Look for it soon.

Tomorrow: I have the opening of the Chapter in my head and now have to get my ass in gear and start writing.

Found: It's there and relatively complete in my mind but again I have to start writing.

What's taking me bloody, fucking forever? I've been reading. I've fallen into my I need romance phase again and I need to feel wanted romantically. So, like some sodden, lonely housewife (although, I'm single) who deals with a husband that comes home, eats, burps, farts, scratches his ass while she sits and reads either in the chair or in the bedroom dreaming of being taken away; I've sat at my computer and done the same thing. Problem is, the wooden deskchair (even with the cushion) is not condusive to doing so and I end up with my back bothering me, kinks in my legs and my ass feeling numb. But what's a numb ass for a fleeting moment of 'wishing'.

TJay