10 years... 10 long and hard years

Today it is 10 years ago that I pushed my own wheelchair out of Bailey Boushay House, in Seattle, and Den took me home back to our apartment in Seattle where I sat down on the bed and cried. I was home. Well, home at the time. I had survived from only having 14 T-cells in my body and pneumocystis pneumonia (Ok, it’s because I’m a royal bitch!)

On April 21, 1999 they rolled me in on a gurney and I was asked by a nurse how long I was going to be with them. I looked up at a gaggle of people plus Den (I’d call 5-6 people a gaggle including ambulance attendants) and said, “One month.” The one nurse said, “Well we’ll see.” My response was “Read my lips; ONE MONTH!” May 21, 1999, I stood up off the bed and shuffled around putting stuff together before Den got there that morning. I had to sit down a few times on the bed because it was high enough for me to push myself up without help from someone. Den walked in and said, “Ready.” I just nodded. There was a small line of nurses standing there (those who were working) watching me leave. They were teary eyed as well.

All the pain, stress and fear that fueled my push to get me back to where I needed to be came flowing out. I laid down with a stuffed donkey that my Grandmother had given me and cried.

I still had to have help with a bath or get up off the toilet. I had a walker. The second night home the walker went into the closet where it stayed until I gave it away.

Den had one week off before he had to go back to work (I was a shit and made him take me to Swanson’s Nursery the next morning. Hey, it was spring and I need to get soil to plant the apple tree that I’d ordered and was sitting on a box on the deck plus I wanted some veggies!)

I can’t even count how many times I fell during the times he was at work. I'd crawl to a location, couch or step and then pull myself up. It was lonely but I was blessed. A month and 7 days later, Amy (my first pug, a rescue) who was 6 years old came trotting downstairs into my life. She never left my side for the next 5 years.

Right now, I’ve had some ‘blips’ medically with my T-cell count and viral load. My cholesterol is off. Rob is a bit annoyed with that I think. Sometimes, I think he secretly delights in stabbing me (badly, I might say, SNORT) in the arm for blood just to get back at me for being that pain in the ass for the past 10 years.

Many of you know this year has been stressful in so many ways. More so than ever, nervousness, fighting with the state and legislature to keep medical not only for myself but others in this state, personal and family things that have put a strain on me and I’ve tried to keep my chin up, things where I’ve ‘buckled the belt up’ and made sure I put on the smile and been there for others (hey, it was the right thing to do), etc. This has probably taken a toll on me and the stress of it all might have been a contributor to the t-cell count drop and the viral load to shoot up for the first time in a while (although, it’s less than 90 copies per mL, it still PISSES ME OFF!).

But, I will get over it. I will keep going. I have friends, people I love with all my heart and soul plus the two ‘idiots’ to be concerned with to sit back and let something like this keep me from living my life. Oh, I’m going to have to deal with the cholesterol thing and that’s probably not going to be a pretty scene (think two drag queens duking it out with disheveled dresses, pumps in hand with cocktails splashed all over the floor of a club, ROTFLMAO!) but it’ll work out.

10 years… I still miss Amy though… she’d would have just demanded some smoked duck for the occasion.

TJay