ME

Me...

Yep, this post is about me. I've hesitated for a long time to put a picture up of me on the blog. I always wonder who'll be 'Goggling' my name and using it against me for potential work but I've come to the decision to just say, "Fuck it!" and I'll fight it if necessary.

I can't be anyone else but me.

There is a stigmata that you bear in a way when you are a Gay Author or for that matter an author that writes gay themed literature. People automatically assume that you are some sort of pervert or that it will hurt their underlying business if they hire you (**rolling my eyes here**). Why? Because of fear. And damn-it-to-hell, I've lived through too much and come to far to live with, in or around fear. Life didn't afford me the wonderful opportunities that so many of my GLBT brethren had set before them but I deal with it.

What made me decide to finally post a pic? Hmm... Well, I received a load of pictures yesterday from one of my best friends who is also my Physician. (I have two best friends in this world: My Ex and my Doctor. And, well, fuck, now I'm tearing up, without either of them I wouldn't be here at the moment typing this damn thing). They were taken at his 'wedding'. He and his new partner (love him, plus he has the same name as my Ex so he chose well, GRIN!) said their vows about a month ago and had a professional photog there as well. She is one feisty young women (NE: methinks she's a Lesbian but I'm not stating one way or another) who wanted to take pix of me. She scoffed about my comment about "Never having a really decent pic taken." So, she made me sit in chair and take some. I used the black and white one because it looked cool.

"Life is a banquet and most 'Sons-a-bitches' are starving to death" - Auntie Mame

Life's 'banquet' is knowing that you have to take your own destiny in hand and run with it. It's like playing poker and, yeah, sometimes you get one shitty hand but hell that doesn't mean the next one is going to be any worse.

Mind you, it drives me nuts that of late that I have had quite a few bad ones dealt and been annoyed with the dealer. Put me into a bit of a funk and kept me from doing things, including writing. I just wanted to read. Read things that made me feel better inside and would take away some of that hurt. IE: "I'm reading gay love stories."

Not those cheesy 'Harlequin type'... "the wind blew through his hair..." ETGRH, URP (retching sounds of bile rising here) but recently Gay Manga. Oh yeah, as a good, close and loving friend calls it, "That cartoon stuff!?!!???" "Uh huh, yes, the gay Japanese, comic style stuff that you read from the back of the book to the front from the right to the left." BTW, it's in English for those questioning since my Japanese is severely limited and I can only read a bit of Katakana (the form of Japanese that creates words using sounds based on the Hiragana characters). And even that is really rusty.

I've been reading it voraciously of late again because it has a lot of the angst of love and fulfillment at the ending. I'm not saying every ending is perfect but you walk away feeling that there is some sort of resolution. It's been a help. Plus, they are some damn good writers as well.

For those who know and I've talked with, FYI: I'm better inside this morning. I even had a semi-spat with the Ex on his drive to work over family stuff. More of a venting of things on my end that he took the wrong way but we got through it. (HA! Didn't think I'd type this did you Hun?) Then again, he didn't sleep well either so he was a bit cranky. He is a good man and I appreciate him more than anyone else in the world.

Now, I finished editing Chapter 13 of Death and will be sending out for uploading later today. I'll be working on editing Chapter 14 plus begin writing on both 'TOMORROW' and on 'LOVE IS BLIND'. The characters of 'FOUND' have been rather quiet of late.

Lastly, I have to remember to take to heart what a very talented writer on Nifty said once in a story: "You just have to know that you deserve what the universe has to offer." I think it's one of the most profound statements I've ever read.