What I'm working on at the moment...

Preview of vampiric story and my new reef tank...

BLOOD TIES

PROLOUGE

“Wait!  Stop! Somebody please tell me how the fuck that I find myself halfway in the air leaping over a table full of crazed porn industry fans waiving crosses, wooden stakes and trying to throw Holy Water at me?”  These thoughts passed through my mind even as I batted a thrown stake out of the way.

“Oh, I know why!  It was my cousin’s fault; second cousin actually,” my head screamed as I finished my flip and fell towards the oncoming surface.

The fact that I was head over heels in love with him added to ‘issue’ that we both had the same great grandparents made it kind of weird, although the stunning bastard now was probably really freaking out after finding out after that nut job bitch revealing the fact that he and I were related. I’d… Oh hell, we’d kept that quiet with the exception of a few people after finding that out via email.

And now?  Now, when all hell broke loose, thanks to that bitch that he performed with in porn films?  Oh, and just not any porn films, but fucking straight porn films!   Oh yeah! 

“He’s a confused straight boy!  You seduced him!  You must have used drugs!” All those lines had been thrown at me earlier that day by that twat before she stormed off backstage from an earlier shoot. 

“PLEASE!” I wanted to yell. “He fucking downs Cialis like their kids’ chewable vitamins just to get it up with you!” I kept my mouth shut though.  I wasn’t going to give this psycho any opportunity to try and confirm anything.

I sighed inwardly as I dropped to the long table top.  I got my balance and rolled my eyes as I found myself staring at a man with wide pupils full of fear waiving a cross in my face.  I turned and caught Sean’s full on panicking face.  Looking back around me, I was well aware that things were ‘not in the closet anymore’.

“BE GONE YE DEMON!” the pudgy, porn addicted, potato shaped man holding a picture of one of Sean’s female co-stars, wheezed at me while his hand shook holding the silver icon.  I batted it away with a slight sting as it touched my hand.  And before you think it was a ‘silver allergy’, I’m here to tell you it’s not.  I caught the edge of the thing when I knocked it away.

“OH PLEASE!” I yelled loudly grabbing his and the others attention while ripping my shirt open and yanking out my own cross made of platinum.  “I’M FUCKING CATHOLIC!  I GO TO MASS EVERY FEW SUNDAYS! AND WHO THE FUCK SAYS ‘YE’ IN 2012?”  That caught their attention as a large garlic bulb landed beside me.  The overall din in the room settled some as the focused their astonishment on the fact that I was holding a small cross between my two fingers.  Holy Water splashed on me and I wiped it away.  “JESUS CHRIST!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?  A WATER SPORTS PARTY?”

The fat man who had brandished the cross sputtered, “YO-U-U-U-U’RE CATHOLIC?” 

“YES!” sighed heavily while watching the continued surprised expression on my cousin.  “Wait,” I thought, “Didn’t I tell him I was Catholic?”  That little tidbit seemed to etch more “WTF?” on his face and not helping the fact that he’d been ‘outed’ or that I’d just been ‘outed’ as a vampire.  Ok, he knew that part, not that we were related or I guess, Catholic, was well.

All done by that fucking snatch over in the corner, who initiated all this chaos against me, because she was in love with Sean.  Another bulb of garlic landed in front of me.  I grabbed it and chucked it back at the prick who’d thrown it; nailing him squarely in the forehead where I had intended.  “WILL YOU STOP THROWING THAT SHIT!? I DON’T HAVE A FEAR OF GARLIC!” 

More murmuring spilled through the crowd.  The man stood up from being nailed with the garlic rubbing his forehead, “Garlic doesn’t bother you either?”

I sat down on the table and crossed my legs with a loud ‘harrumph’. 

“No, it doesn’t,” I sighed looking up at the forlorn Sean.  I’m not sure what the hell he was thinking but Rory, his manager, was a cross between fuming red and purple and white.  It didn’t make the middle aged cigar smoker look well.  I was afraid we’d have to call an ambulance soon. 

Here I sat on the table in front of Sean with him just staring down at me.  I felt about three inches tall and that’s saying something since he towers over me by nearly a foot.  “How the hell did this happen?” when I really knew how it had.

I sat there wondering how this would play out with Sean, Rory, me and the people around me.  Not to mention the fact that people will now know we exist. 

All of this started a few minutes earlier in the middle of his press conference where ‘Steven Case – straight male porn star’ had just been taking a phone call question.  It was Kathy (his co-star) on her cell phone.  She’d arranged it after getting ‘Sean aka: Steven’ a “NO” answer about marrying her.  She was using the fact that he was ‘In the closet’ to everyone to make him marry her. 

The video and then the yelling and screaming; and that was just Kathy.  The worse thing though wasn’t hearing her reveal that I was a vamp, ““HE’S A REAL VAMPIRE!”  No, what was worst was when she screamed at the top of her lungs, “THAT’S NOT ALL,” she screamed, “THAT MAN WHOSE COCK IS IN HIS MOUTH IS HIS COUSIN!”

 As I sat there in my own morass, I heard a chair rub hard across the floor as it scooted back.  “Ladies and Gentlemen…”  It was Sean’s voice.  I sat there with tears in my eyes wondering what the fuck he was going to say.

And here's a picture of my tank...



Well, just a note to say... damn... not sure what to say. 

I'm here and I've been neglectful.  I'm working on some vampiric/lycan stories that I am hoping to have self published soon!

12 years and Going STRONG!

Tomorrow marks my 12th year of being HIV Positive, 11.5 of them being undetectable. I went into the hospital on the 12th, Den and I was scared. The 14th I went into a coma. Nearing 14 years later, my best friend and brother stands by my side. This is the first year I don't feel scared! No dreams, no panic.

Last year I talked about mourning the death of my past, now I look to the future.

SACRIFICE...

With so much going on of late, I have to give pause. Things have been a whirlwind and life can be hectic for me and anyone of my friends and the people I call my family. People both inside my core need me as do the people outside. But there is something that I remember, “In the grand scheme of things, what we sacrifice for others sakes is more important than what we achieve for ourselves.”

It’s a big word… “sacrifice”. For many, it’s something that they can’t comprehend or refuse to do or acknowledge. It can be huge or small. It can be something like leaving nuts out of the chocolate chip cookies even though you like them, offering to do anything if someone needs it even though you aren’t asked, taking a phone call and listening to that family member even though you’d rather be watching the TV, sacrificing something financially for the love of a child, our time for a charity even though you are swamped or in writing, emailing or calling people in government to make sure people are provided decent health coverage and not left without.

Why? Compassion, caring, Love. We may never receive thanks, never hear I appreciate it or even an acknowledgement that what we may have done was worthwhile but knowing that we did it should be all the thanks we get.

That, in itself, is hard. Never receiving the thank you. A lot of times it’s taken for granted that you’ll do for someone; especially family with even the most simplistic things such as a phone call or an email.

But see, that’s fine. Because, when you can go to bed at night and sleep knowing that you did what was right, gave what you could, helped where you could or spoke up when necessary for someone who couldn’t, then you’ve done just what I said, “that you sacrificed for others sakes” and found that what you did was “more important than what you achieved for yourself.”

And you know what, sometime down the road; someone might do the same thing for you.

COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!

TODAY IS NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY..... COME OUT... COME OUT... The closet door is open... take those first steps. We'll support you and carry you like the friend you are!!! YOU ARE LOVED AND RESPECTED!

CHANGES

Changes... packing for a move... still in Seattle; just near Lake Washington. Looking forward to it and the nice place.

Dating: I'm single again. Nax... Leave it at that...

Writing.... I need to get off my ass!

I'm still here... Funeral today ... RIP Don

My best friend's (my Ex) Father passed away suddenly last Friday (April 2nd) of a massive coronary at home. He had been fighting congestive heart failure and there was some hope that an upcoming catherization with stents and possibly a by-pass would help.



This entire time has been filled with grief and me stepping up to support my family. As I've said before, my Ex's family are closer to me than my own. They were my parents.



I have been struggling through this to handle Social Security, Funeral arrangements, insurance, et al. Then there is the support for the Ex, his sister and Mom.




I have not forgotten my readers, I have not forgotten my writing. There has just been so much going on that I just haven't gotten myself together to write.



Forgive me.



TJay

Eleven years….

Wow! Eleven years come and go as of today; a pin prick of a needle, eyes fluttering, not being able to breathe, comas, months in the hospital and then years of recovery. There have been many changes in my life.

I won’t say it’s been easy. I’m still living with HIV and, even though I know there will be a cure in my lifetime, I will continue to live with it till then. I won’t say that I didn’t have a ‘melt down’ this past Sunday either with everything on my mind and knowing that it’s eleven years. I have been emotional and aloof for the past week up until I broke down. Two people that I love, care for, respect, adore and hold close to my heart tighter than they can ever know, reminded me that I’m loved though.

One, not knowing exactly what was wrong with me, in a simple act of giving me a miniature rose, made all the difference in my world Sunday night.

Those few words, “I don’t know what is wrong but I thought of you when I saw this…”

I think if I hadn’t had to help finish cooking I would have run upstairs and broke down crying even more; all happy tears.

I think that my path in my diagnosis probably has made me more emotional. I sit here this morning and I’m teary as I type this but I’m filled with an emotion that I don’t think I felt last year: HOPE!

Hope… and peace.

However, I have a though on dealing with what I deal with on a daily basis. This might be annoying, blasphemous, morbid or repulsive to some but in reality it feels like I’m been mourning the ‘death’ of something.

I’ve been mourning the ‘death of my past life’ prior to my diagnosis.

With the passage of time, as you mourn the passage of a loved one, the pain of ‘losing that person’ slowly ebbs. I guess that is what has been happening to me slowly each year as time passes. I remember the past, my past and mourn but the pain of it all slowly ceases to affect/effect me.

Like a person that has lost a loved one, I still ‘hold on’ to the loss. At the same time, like the grief process and ‘holding’ on to that loss, the pain of the loss makes me forge ahead and continue to carry on with my life. I’ve lost a loved one. I’ve lost the person I was and now deal with the person I am.

The person I am now has to deal with continuing ‘his’ life and continuing to grow, live, love, hope, dream and yearn for a person to love me relationship wise. Just like someone who has lost a loved one, I have to go on. That, in itself, can be hard but it is part of life, part of living and parts of what makes us who we are: Human.

Captain of our fairy band.

Helena is here at hand.

And the youth, mistook by me.

Pleading for a lover's fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools the mortals be!

CHAPTER 33 OF 'TOMORROW' POSTED

MERRY CHISTMAS!

ENJOY THE CHAPTER

TJay

THANKSGIVING

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving to all...

I know I have not updated here in a couple of months. There's been a lot going on with work and such. I had hoped to have some more writing completed for the Thanksgiving holidays but, alas, things complicated it along with motivating myself.

Most recently, as of this past Monday, it was the untimely death of an acquaintence that was becoming a friend. He was a close friend of many people I know and it hit them hard. It put a pall on my own feelings and motivation.

Be that as it may, I wanted to say many the blessings of life, love and family be yours this Thanksgiving and that you have someone to sup with on this day.

TJay

TOMORROW.... CHAPTER 32 WILL BE OUT THIS WEEK

CHAPTER 32 OF 'TOMORROW' WILL BE OUT THIS WEEK!

I had to split the chapter up into two sections (32 & 33) after getting into so many pages.

I also need to make sure my mind was clear on a couple of things.

Hopefully, you're enjoying the ride...

I'm hoping to have it (along with missing chapters) to Closettales site as well.

TJay

DEATH COMES KNOCKING CHAPTER 11

Hey all!

Well, things are settling in well. I just wanted to let you know that the next chapter of DEATH COMES KNOCKING (CHAPTER 11) is set for publication on the TICKIE STORIES site this coming Thursday.

Let me know your opinions.

TJay

PS... I'm working hard on next chapter of TOMORROW!

Delays, truck and stories

@(!*#^&@&^$&*!&#^~*(^$%!@@#%$$%^%^&*))((& **TCH rear ended me on West Seattle Bridge!!!! Cig in one hand and cell phone in the other... off to get the truck into shop! GOD DAMMIT!

Nearly 3K worth of damage (3rd time I've been rear ended in the past four years)! SIGH!

I am writing. I have nearly 70 pages completed (new and rewrites) on TOMORROW but I'm not even close to being half way through with Chapter 32.

I'm relatively sure everyone has given up on my stuff anyway.

The move and trying to get things settled has taken a toll. I am going about the daily thing and trying to get stories completed. It's just a little hard to write as well when it's been 99 plus (including 103) in Seattle recently. No one wants to write in that!

Birthdays, Moving and PRIDE

I'm going to be 42 in seven days (counting today, Monday). I don't want to be 42. The only thing that I have going for me is that I don't look it. I'm definitely going to fight getting older come hell or high water.

The only sucky thing is that I do like celebrating my birthday as like a holiday. It's even more fun when the fact that my birthday falls on the same day as PRIDE every few years. Normally I like to do a big BBQ party with a bunch of friends after going to the PRIDE parade and after the BBQ hitting the bars for some fun. This year, sigh!

The move falls at the same time. We might have things done but everyone is going to be too tired from the move and it's too late to try and put something together. I know that anyone I would want to invite for the party after the PARADE would be doing something else. I would have done something on this Saturday and make it a weekend event. Moving stopped that.

I'm glad to move and get up here but my birthday has fizzled for a second time in 2 years.

Den's parents are going to come over on Sunday and his new boyfriend will be with us but all in all it won't be a GAY old time.

Think the photo says it all...

'MEN!'

Me, TOMORROW, Moving, Facebook

And I'm gonna try and fit all this into one post, heh!

Ok, first, I'll combine two. Me and moving. I'm moving back to Seattle over the course of the next two weeks. It's a done deal and boxes are being packed as I speak (although, a cute house boy would be nice to have for help, GRIN!). THAT, then affects/effects my writing.

I'm not working as much on it. Well, I am working on it but not as fast of a pace. I have two more days that I can sub before the end of the school year and would like to get them under the wire for July pay. We'll see.

TOMORROW: Tomorrow is now well past 60 pages and still has not even gotten towards the area that I've like it to end the chapter. You'll just have to wait. Am I happy with it? Mmm hmmm, I am! It's getting towards the end of the story and I want it to end with some flourish. It's been a fun write.

I'm still working on the other stories and I haven't forgotten them nor have they me. The characters have been 'chattering' incessantly about ideas with their lives so it's there but the time needed is the hard part.

FACEBOOK: I'm on Facebook now after a few of my friends screamed for ages to get on it. Be forewarned, I'm pretty choosy as to whom I 'friend'. I don't want this to become some freaking nightmare upkeep. Its for my 'personal' thoughts with those closest to me.

BTW, new place is sweet! 5BR/2BA and good yard for the dogs.

Best to all,

TJay

Betty Bowers Explains Traditional Marriage to Everyone Else

Ok, it’s official… I’m sure I’m gonna be told that I’m going to hell… I'm sure if I sent this to my relatives I'd have people knocking at my door ready to perform an exorcism!

A little surprise and fotos from AIDS Housing Tacoma Drag Fund Raiser

So a couple of cool things the last few days... even with all the stress that I've been under and the 'blips' in my virals and T-Cells I've had a couple really neat things go on. My 'Doc' posted my blog piece to the website/blog for the medical center. Then last night I attended the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma 'Drag' Fundraiser. Drag Queens and Drag Kings showed their stuff and talents in an all out affair to raise money for the AIDS Housing Association of Tacoma.

Including pix here:



State Representative Jeannie Darneille and AIDS Housing Exec Director David Strong




Scottie 2 Hottie as 'Cher'




Hostess and MC Ms Victoria Eyesli





Drag King (FTM) Sawyer





Coco Puff and Dominique D'Amour





Allusia, Tina Turntable and Polly Ester (in order)

10 years... 10 long and hard years

Today it is 10 years ago that I pushed my own wheelchair out of Bailey Boushay House, in Seattle, and Den took me home back to our apartment in Seattle where I sat down on the bed and cried. I was home. Well, home at the time. I had survived from only having 14 T-cells in my body and pneumocystis pneumonia (Ok, it’s because I’m a royal bitch!)

On April 21, 1999 they rolled me in on a gurney and I was asked by a nurse how long I was going to be with them. I looked up at a gaggle of people plus Den (I’d call 5-6 people a gaggle including ambulance attendants) and said, “One month.” The one nurse said, “Well we’ll see.” My response was “Read my lips; ONE MONTH!” May 21, 1999, I stood up off the bed and shuffled around putting stuff together before Den got there that morning. I had to sit down a few times on the bed because it was high enough for me to push myself up without help from someone. Den walked in and said, “Ready.” I just nodded. There was a small line of nurses standing there (those who were working) watching me leave. They were teary eyed as well.

All the pain, stress and fear that fueled my push to get me back to where I needed to be came flowing out. I laid down with a stuffed donkey that my Grandmother had given me and cried.

I still had to have help with a bath or get up off the toilet. I had a walker. The second night home the walker went into the closet where it stayed until I gave it away.

Den had one week off before he had to go back to work (I was a shit and made him take me to Swanson’s Nursery the next morning. Hey, it was spring and I need to get soil to plant the apple tree that I’d ordered and was sitting on a box on the deck plus I wanted some veggies!)

I can’t even count how many times I fell during the times he was at work. I'd crawl to a location, couch or step and then pull myself up. It was lonely but I was blessed. A month and 7 days later, Amy (my first pug, a rescue) who was 6 years old came trotting downstairs into my life. She never left my side for the next 5 years.

Right now, I’ve had some ‘blips’ medically with my T-cell count and viral load. My cholesterol is off. Rob is a bit annoyed with that I think. Sometimes, I think he secretly delights in stabbing me (badly, I might say, SNORT) in the arm for blood just to get back at me for being that pain in the ass for the past 10 years.

Many of you know this year has been stressful in so many ways. More so than ever, nervousness, fighting with the state and legislature to keep medical not only for myself but others in this state, personal and family things that have put a strain on me and I’ve tried to keep my chin up, things where I’ve ‘buckled the belt up’ and made sure I put on the smile and been there for others (hey, it was the right thing to do), etc. This has probably taken a toll on me and the stress of it all might have been a contributor to the t-cell count drop and the viral load to shoot up for the first time in a while (although, it’s less than 90 copies per mL, it still PISSES ME OFF!).

But, I will get over it. I will keep going. I have friends, people I love with all my heart and soul plus the two ‘idiots’ to be concerned with to sit back and let something like this keep me from living my life. Oh, I’m going to have to deal with the cholesterol thing and that’s probably not going to be a pretty scene (think two drag queens duking it out with disheveled dresses, pumps in hand with cocktails splashed all over the floor of a club, ROTFLMAO!) but it’ll work out.

10 years… I still miss Amy though… she’d would have just demanded some smoked duck for the occasion.

TJay