I touch myself....

Ok, I read the following letter (not sure if real or fake) and nearly spit my morning caffeine across the keyboard from laughing hysterically.

"Oh what we do when no one is watching"

The next thing I hear in my mind is the 'Diviynls' singing.

Oh what we boys do when we think no one is looking! Especially in college! How many times have we got back to our dorm rooms and found our roommate was not back from class and yelled, "FUCK YA!" then took the situation into 'hand'. Boxes of Kleenex, TP stolen from the bathroom, old t-shirts or the stray pair of boxers to clean up the evidence before someone gets back. Mind you, we forget that the room will have an odour of 'Comet' cleaner for about a half hour after the fact. ROFL!

Then again, it's that morning or afternoon 'pull' on nature that we do in the dorm shower and then 'wash the stress' along with the evidence down the drain. Ah the memories! Especially in those communal bathrooms were the top of the shower stalls barely came to the top of your head and then you dreaded to get next to the guy who was 6 foot or taller for fear that they could peek over the top and see what you were doing. Then again, maybe like many of us who were coming to terms, you actually hoped the hottie next to you or that special crush did get a peek!

It all goes to say that we all have our needs and fantasies...

Now, I'm starting to get the hang of this Blog thing (just like building websites) so this is getting a bit easier to write.

STORIES:

As I said in the previous post, 'DEATH COMES KNOCKING's latest chapter is complete and waiting for upload but I've also completed the newest chapter for 'LOVE IS BLIND'. College days (or is it daze for our Justin) are just beginning.

More later


TJay

ME

Me...

Yep, this post is about me. I've hesitated for a long time to put a picture up of me on the blog. I always wonder who'll be 'Goggling' my name and using it against me for potential work but I've come to the decision to just say, "Fuck it!" and I'll fight it if necessary.

I can't be anyone else but me.

There is a stigmata that you bear in a way when you are a Gay Author or for that matter an author that writes gay themed literature. People automatically assume that you are some sort of pervert or that it will hurt their underlying business if they hire you (**rolling my eyes here**). Why? Because of fear. And damn-it-to-hell, I've lived through too much and come to far to live with, in or around fear. Life didn't afford me the wonderful opportunities that so many of my GLBT brethren had set before them but I deal with it.

What made me decide to finally post a pic? Hmm... Well, I received a load of pictures yesterday from one of my best friends who is also my Physician. (I have two best friends in this world: My Ex and my Doctor. And, well, fuck, now I'm tearing up, without either of them I wouldn't be here at the moment typing this damn thing). They were taken at his 'wedding'. He and his new partner (love him, plus he has the same name as my Ex so he chose well, GRIN!) said their vows about a month ago and had a professional photog there as well. She is one feisty young women (NE: methinks she's a Lesbian but I'm not stating one way or another) who wanted to take pix of me. She scoffed about my comment about "Never having a really decent pic taken." So, she made me sit in chair and take some. I used the black and white one because it looked cool.

"Life is a banquet and most 'Sons-a-bitches' are starving to death" - Auntie Mame

Life's 'banquet' is knowing that you have to take your own destiny in hand and run with it. It's like playing poker and, yeah, sometimes you get one shitty hand but hell that doesn't mean the next one is going to be any worse.

Mind you, it drives me nuts that of late that I have had quite a few bad ones dealt and been annoyed with the dealer. Put me into a bit of a funk and kept me from doing things, including writing. I just wanted to read. Read things that made me feel better inside and would take away some of that hurt. IE: "I'm reading gay love stories."

Not those cheesy 'Harlequin type'... "the wind blew through his hair..." ETGRH, URP (retching sounds of bile rising here) but recently Gay Manga. Oh yeah, as a good, close and loving friend calls it, "That cartoon stuff!?!!???" "Uh huh, yes, the gay Japanese, comic style stuff that you read from the back of the book to the front from the right to the left." BTW, it's in English for those questioning since my Japanese is severely limited and I can only read a bit of Katakana (the form of Japanese that creates words using sounds based on the Hiragana characters). And even that is really rusty.

I've been reading it voraciously of late again because it has a lot of the angst of love and fulfillment at the ending. I'm not saying every ending is perfect but you walk away feeling that there is some sort of resolution. It's been a help. Plus, they are some damn good writers as well.

For those who know and I've talked with, FYI: I'm better inside this morning. I even had a semi-spat with the Ex on his drive to work over family stuff. More of a venting of things on my end that he took the wrong way but we got through it. (HA! Didn't think I'd type this did you Hun?) Then again, he didn't sleep well either so he was a bit cranky. He is a good man and I appreciate him more than anyone else in the world.

Now, I finished editing Chapter 13 of Death and will be sending out for uploading later today. I'll be working on editing Chapter 14 plus begin writing on both 'TOMORROW' and on 'LOVE IS BLIND'. The characters of 'FOUND' have been rather quiet of late.

Lastly, I have to remember to take to heart what a very talented writer on Nifty said once in a story: "You just have to know that you deserve what the universe has to offer." I think it's one of the most profound statements I've ever read.

Boys and their toys….

What is it with boys and their toys (GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER! SNORT! Well, it does bring the obvious to mind, LOL)?

I do know every man has their own type of toy or weakness. It doesn’t matter if you are straight or gay. With my Ex it was Star Wars toys, specifically the ‘Dark Side of the Force’. His boyfriend has a weakness for Matchbox cars and cars in general. The guy’s amazing in that he can tell you everything about a certain type of vehicle. For another friend of mine (gay), it’s power tools (hmmm, maybe he’s a reincarnated lesbian?)

What are mine? Fuck if I know? I like to cook but I don’t wet my shorts over getting the new cooking product catalogues. I like to write but I don’t go looking for the newest edition of ‘Writer’s Illustrated’. I do like comics. I used to have quite a collection till I sold a shitload of them before I moved and before the comic market took a dump in the late 90’s. I just bought a mag the other day called “Boy Meets Hero”. It’s an awesome comic! If you like Gay comics then I suggest you purchase a copy.

Ok, I’m a sucker for gay romance. Probably because I’m still f’ing single. I do have a few DVD’s of gay romantic movies and such. I also like comics that are a bit more risqué than romance. “WINK, WINK.. NUDGE, NUDGE… SAY NO MORE!” Patrick Fillion and Joe Phillips come to mind.

So, if anyone actually reads this blog; what are your toys? And let’s not go the way of the rubber or vinyl ones like Wes and Taylor used last chapter, SNICKER!


Now, the stories:

Tomorrow: My feelings are that ‘Tomorrow’ will be ending for a bit with graduation from high school for Wes and Taylor. I will not be giving too much of updates on the story because I wan it more of a surprise to the readers. Will it continue? Hard to say because I don’t want the story to become long, drawn out or tedious.

Death Comes Knocking: I’m in the middle of editing Chapters 13 and 14. I hope to have them to Bret within the next week.

Found: A quickie? A romantic evening? Erotic nervousness? What will happen between our two men? Is happiness truly able to be ‘Found’?


AND NOW AN ANNOUNCEMENT

I have just completed Chapter 1 of my new story that I’ve been working on slowly for a few months now getting the bearings and the idea of what the characters want within their own selves.

I am pleased to announce the story, ‘Love Is Blind’.

Our ‘heros’:

Justin Chang and Ethan Wills

Justin is from San Francisco and Ethan is from Portland, Oregon. They are sophomores as SSU (fictional college) located in San Diego. It should be an interesting run.

TJay

Secret Obsessions

"You've discovered my secret"




Everyone has secret obsessions... a man, a woman (be it the same sex or opposite), chocolate, cars or that cute little animal at the zoo. Maybe it's that yen for Hagen Daas at 2AM when you should be on a diet?



Can these obsessions lead us down the path of evil? Hell yeah! They can also lead us down good paths with little bits of evil thrown in as well.



As my life changes and I begin to see things from a different level (that's age talking sweeties!), I see that things are not always black and white but with large shades of gray (with a bit of pink thrown in for good measure).



What about you? How do you see life? What are your secret obsessions?



One of mine? I love to write as well as cook. Hence the reason for this blog and my stories. It gives me a way of making my bit of lovelife need to be fulfilled.

Now to the stories...

TOMORROW: Check out the subtle things going on with the characters. Do they tell you anything?

DEATH: We are now on our way to BC... What lies ahead?

FOUND: Well, you'll just fucking have to wait for this one, LOL..

Best to you all

TJay

Puppies, being sick and too much going on… Or…. I need a f’ing vacation….

I apologize for not posting to all sooner about what is going on with the stories. Life has been rather hectic and chaotic of late.

I’ve been dealing with many different personal situations and my mind hasn’t been focused on getting my ass in gear.

Puppies: Part of that is the fact that my female pug gave birth this last Monday. It was a long, hard day of delivery and I was lucky to have a couple friends take time off from their jobs to be with me while it happened. She is a small dog and gave birth to 8 puppies; four survive. They are all boys and doing well but extremely varied in sizes.

Next, is that I developed a mild case of pneumonia again from the stress I’ve been under and the drainage into my lungs. It is just today that I’ve actually been able to get out of my apartment and hit the grocery store when my Ex-partner and his Boyfriend came down for dinner. I’m better but, and it bloody well annoys me, this is the second time this year that I’ve faced this shit! At least, mild case and my blood oxygen was stable the entire time.

I have a few other things I am dealing with but by taking a two week sabbatical then I should be able to get my stress levels under control.

STORIES:

Death: I have three chapters for ‘Death’ back from my editor that I’m working on slowly and in a re-edit/re-write.

Tomorrow: I am working on the current chapter around page 20 or so and continue to work on it. It’s in my head but I’m hoping to sit back and do more with it this week to get finished.

Found: I provided you with the last chapter of Found recently and am in hopes that you are finding it rather to your liking. I have the outline for 2 more chapters completed and should be working on them soon.

New story: I am putting the finishing touches (again, in my brain or with what little brain and brain activity I possess) on a new story between a couple of college guys in their Sophomore year. It’s unique and I’m proud of where I coming with it.

Well, it’s a little after 10PM and I’m a bit tired plus I have to move the dogs and puppies closer to my bed in the bedroom to keep them within range. My girl is turning into a terrific Mom but it’s only a week out now and I like having them close in the evenings and overnight.

If you have questions, please feel free to ask…

Best to you

TJay

Super Bowl and 'Super Men' - Thoughts and Crossovers...

Men and Football! Two wonderful things, heh! It's amazing how many people look forward to this game. Especially gay men! And Gay 'Bear' men, LOL!

Today is no exception where I am en route to Seattle, watching the game and/or finishing the game by the time most have or will have read this post.

I've been invited to another 'Soiree' held by some friends of the Ex where there could be at least 20 'Bears' in a condo that is just a touch smaller than my apartment. They seem to make it work though and its generally a fun bunch.

"ONE, TWO, HIKE!"

As you know, I have completed and Bret posted Chapter 27 of 'Tomorrow'. I asked a question of everyone if they 'got' something out of it. Yes, there is the moral of helping others but there is something more. Some touched on it but there are questions and one question I have for you is if you are projecting your own thoughts and feelings onto that character? It's a concept that I'm sure that many have never contemplated. What they feel about certain things, issues and ideas makes them push the way they view a character. I'm not saying whether this character will turn out the way they think it will. It's for the character to decide. I don't write the story; the characters do. I am surprised that no one mentioned a certain situation with four guys and possible questions there as to "did they or didn't they?" LOL!

Someone close to me asked me recently if I preferred 'Free Style' writing or 'Conceptual' (well, they used a different term but just the idea of creating a full synopsis or syllabus of what will occur from beginning to end). It's really something I've never really thought about. I write and sometimes (like 'Tomorrow') its a mix. I may have things come to me from the characters interations or their 'thoughts' while even in the shower or just sitting looking out at the sky and have to place that situation with them. I can watch something on TV and hear the characters say, "That's happening to me now."

Crossovers: Be prepared soon for a 'crossover' of Characters. Specifically, 'Death' into 'Found' as both are set in Seattle. Why? Because the scenes that occur fit what is needed and if you don't live in the area let me tell you as we state up this way, "It is a large city with a large/small Gay Community!" Meaning? You're likely to find someone that knows your Ex, current boyfriend or latest conquest! It's not like going to LA or NYC and never really seeing that last trick again, LOL! Hence the crossover and the fact that the characters work together within their respected careers.

Enjoy the game!

TJay

Chapter 27 of Tomorrow

Well, Chapter 27 of Tomorrow is complete and I've been able to address a few things that the characters 'have been speaking' to me about. I think most of you may be surprised on a couple points in the story (Kelly, Josh, Billy and Rex) and with Jase.

As to what happens with the four guys, well, you're just going to have to read and make up your own minds. I'm being a bit evil here. As to Jase, there is something for many to talk about...

FOUND: I will be starting this soon. I've just got things alligned there.

DEATH: Chapters 9 and 10 are set to be edited but it will be a bit before they are complete.

TJay