ME

Me...

Yep, this post is about me. I've hesitated for a long time to put a picture up of me on the blog. I always wonder who'll be 'Goggling' my name and using it against me for potential work but I've come to the decision to just say, "Fuck it!" and I'll fight it if necessary.

I can't be anyone else but me.

There is a stigmata that you bear in a way when you are a Gay Author or for that matter an author that writes gay themed literature. People automatically assume that you are some sort of pervert or that it will hurt their underlying business if they hire you (**rolling my eyes here**). Why? Because of fear. And damn-it-to-hell, I've lived through too much and come to far to live with, in or around fear. Life didn't afford me the wonderful opportunities that so many of my GLBT brethren had set before them but I deal with it.

What made me decide to finally post a pic? Hmm... Well, I received a load of pictures yesterday from one of my best friends who is also my Physician. (I have two best friends in this world: My Ex and my Doctor. And, well, fuck, now I'm tearing up, without either of them I wouldn't be here at the moment typing this damn thing). They were taken at his 'wedding'. He and his new partner (love him, plus he has the same name as my Ex so he chose well, GRIN!) said their vows about a month ago and had a professional photog there as well. She is one feisty young women (NE: methinks she's a Lesbian but I'm not stating one way or another) who wanted to take pix of me. She scoffed about my comment about "Never having a really decent pic taken." So, she made me sit in chair and take some. I used the black and white one because it looked cool.

"Life is a banquet and most 'Sons-a-bitches' are starving to death" - Auntie Mame

Life's 'banquet' is knowing that you have to take your own destiny in hand and run with it. It's like playing poker and, yeah, sometimes you get one shitty hand but hell that doesn't mean the next one is going to be any worse.

Mind you, it drives me nuts that of late that I have had quite a few bad ones dealt and been annoyed with the dealer. Put me into a bit of a funk and kept me from doing things, including writing. I just wanted to read. Read things that made me feel better inside and would take away some of that hurt. IE: "I'm reading gay love stories."

Not those cheesy 'Harlequin type'... "the wind blew through his hair..." ETGRH, URP (retching sounds of bile rising here) but recently Gay Manga. Oh yeah, as a good, close and loving friend calls it, "That cartoon stuff!?!!???" "Uh huh, yes, the gay Japanese, comic style stuff that you read from the back of the book to the front from the right to the left." BTW, it's in English for those questioning since my Japanese is severely limited and I can only read a bit of Katakana (the form of Japanese that creates words using sounds based on the Hiragana characters). And even that is really rusty.

I've been reading it voraciously of late again because it has a lot of the angst of love and fulfillment at the ending. I'm not saying every ending is perfect but you walk away feeling that there is some sort of resolution. It's been a help. Plus, they are some damn good writers as well.

For those who know and I've talked with, FYI: I'm better inside this morning. I even had a semi-spat with the Ex on his drive to work over family stuff. More of a venting of things on my end that he took the wrong way but we got through it. (HA! Didn't think I'd type this did you Hun?) Then again, he didn't sleep well either so he was a bit cranky. He is a good man and I appreciate him more than anyone else in the world.

Now, I finished editing Chapter 13 of Death and will be sending out for uploading later today. I'll be working on editing Chapter 14 plus begin writing on both 'TOMORROW' and on 'LOVE IS BLIND'. The characters of 'FOUND' have been rather quiet of late.

Lastly, I have to remember to take to heart what a very talented writer on Nifty said once in a story: "You just have to know that you deserve what the universe has to offer." I think it's one of the most profound statements I've ever read.

Boys and their toys….

What is it with boys and their toys (GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER! SNORT! Well, it does bring the obvious to mind, LOL)?

I do know every man has their own type of toy or weakness. It doesn’t matter if you are straight or gay. With my Ex it was Star Wars toys, specifically the ‘Dark Side of the Force’. His boyfriend has a weakness for Matchbox cars and cars in general. The guy’s amazing in that he can tell you everything about a certain type of vehicle. For another friend of mine (gay), it’s power tools (hmmm, maybe he’s a reincarnated lesbian?)

What are mine? Fuck if I know? I like to cook but I don’t wet my shorts over getting the new cooking product catalogues. I like to write but I don’t go looking for the newest edition of ‘Writer’s Illustrated’. I do like comics. I used to have quite a collection till I sold a shitload of them before I moved and before the comic market took a dump in the late 90’s. I just bought a mag the other day called “Boy Meets Hero”. It’s an awesome comic! If you like Gay comics then I suggest you purchase a copy.

Ok, I’m a sucker for gay romance. Probably because I’m still f’ing single. I do have a few DVD’s of gay romantic movies and such. I also like comics that are a bit more risqué than romance. “WINK, WINK.. NUDGE, NUDGE… SAY NO MORE!” Patrick Fillion and Joe Phillips come to mind.

So, if anyone actually reads this blog; what are your toys? And let’s not go the way of the rubber or vinyl ones like Wes and Taylor used last chapter, SNICKER!


Now, the stories:

Tomorrow: My feelings are that ‘Tomorrow’ will be ending for a bit with graduation from high school for Wes and Taylor. I will not be giving too much of updates on the story because I wan it more of a surprise to the readers. Will it continue? Hard to say because I don’t want the story to become long, drawn out or tedious.

Death Comes Knocking: I’m in the middle of editing Chapters 13 and 14. I hope to have them to Bret within the next week.

Found: A quickie? A romantic evening? Erotic nervousness? What will happen between our two men? Is happiness truly able to be ‘Found’?


AND NOW AN ANNOUNCEMENT

I have just completed Chapter 1 of my new story that I’ve been working on slowly for a few months now getting the bearings and the idea of what the characters want within their own selves.

I am pleased to announce the story, ‘Love Is Blind’.

Our ‘heros’:

Justin Chang and Ethan Wills

Justin is from San Francisco and Ethan is from Portland, Oregon. They are sophomores as SSU (fictional college) located in San Diego. It should be an interesting run.

TJay

Secret Obsessions

"You've discovered my secret"




Everyone has secret obsessions... a man, a woman (be it the same sex or opposite), chocolate, cars or that cute little animal at the zoo. Maybe it's that yen for Hagen Daas at 2AM when you should be on a diet?



Can these obsessions lead us down the path of evil? Hell yeah! They can also lead us down good paths with little bits of evil thrown in as well.



As my life changes and I begin to see things from a different level (that's age talking sweeties!), I see that things are not always black and white but with large shades of gray (with a bit of pink thrown in for good measure).



What about you? How do you see life? What are your secret obsessions?



One of mine? I love to write as well as cook. Hence the reason for this blog and my stories. It gives me a way of making my bit of lovelife need to be fulfilled.

Now to the stories...

TOMORROW: Check out the subtle things going on with the characters. Do they tell you anything?

DEATH: We are now on our way to BC... What lies ahead?

FOUND: Well, you'll just fucking have to wait for this one, LOL..

Best to you all

TJay

Puppies, being sick and too much going on… Or…. I need a f’ing vacation….

I apologize for not posting to all sooner about what is going on with the stories. Life has been rather hectic and chaotic of late.

I’ve been dealing with many different personal situations and my mind hasn’t been focused on getting my ass in gear.

Puppies: Part of that is the fact that my female pug gave birth this last Monday. It was a long, hard day of delivery and I was lucky to have a couple friends take time off from their jobs to be with me while it happened. She is a small dog and gave birth to 8 puppies; four survive. They are all boys and doing well but extremely varied in sizes.

Next, is that I developed a mild case of pneumonia again from the stress I’ve been under and the drainage into my lungs. It is just today that I’ve actually been able to get out of my apartment and hit the grocery store when my Ex-partner and his Boyfriend came down for dinner. I’m better but, and it bloody well annoys me, this is the second time this year that I’ve faced this shit! At least, mild case and my blood oxygen was stable the entire time.

I have a few other things I am dealing with but by taking a two week sabbatical then I should be able to get my stress levels under control.

STORIES:

Death: I have three chapters for ‘Death’ back from my editor that I’m working on slowly and in a re-edit/re-write.

Tomorrow: I am working on the current chapter around page 20 or so and continue to work on it. It’s in my head but I’m hoping to sit back and do more with it this week to get finished.

Found: I provided you with the last chapter of Found recently and am in hopes that you are finding it rather to your liking. I have the outline for 2 more chapters completed and should be working on them soon.

New story: I am putting the finishing touches (again, in my brain or with what little brain and brain activity I possess) on a new story between a couple of college guys in their Sophomore year. It’s unique and I’m proud of where I coming with it.

Well, it’s a little after 10PM and I’m a bit tired plus I have to move the dogs and puppies closer to my bed in the bedroom to keep them within range. My girl is turning into a terrific Mom but it’s only a week out now and I like having them close in the evenings and overnight.

If you have questions, please feel free to ask…

Best to you

TJay

Super Bowl and 'Super Men' - Thoughts and Crossovers...

Men and Football! Two wonderful things, heh! It's amazing how many people look forward to this game. Especially gay men! And Gay 'Bear' men, LOL!

Today is no exception where I am en route to Seattle, watching the game and/or finishing the game by the time most have or will have read this post.

I've been invited to another 'Soiree' held by some friends of the Ex where there could be at least 20 'Bears' in a condo that is just a touch smaller than my apartment. They seem to make it work though and its generally a fun bunch.

"ONE, TWO, HIKE!"

As you know, I have completed and Bret posted Chapter 27 of 'Tomorrow'. I asked a question of everyone if they 'got' something out of it. Yes, there is the moral of helping others but there is something more. Some touched on it but there are questions and one question I have for you is if you are projecting your own thoughts and feelings onto that character? It's a concept that I'm sure that many have never contemplated. What they feel about certain things, issues and ideas makes them push the way they view a character. I'm not saying whether this character will turn out the way they think it will. It's for the character to decide. I don't write the story; the characters do. I am surprised that no one mentioned a certain situation with four guys and possible questions there as to "did they or didn't they?" LOL!

Someone close to me asked me recently if I preferred 'Free Style' writing or 'Conceptual' (well, they used a different term but just the idea of creating a full synopsis or syllabus of what will occur from beginning to end). It's really something I've never really thought about. I write and sometimes (like 'Tomorrow') its a mix. I may have things come to me from the characters interations or their 'thoughts' while even in the shower or just sitting looking out at the sky and have to place that situation with them. I can watch something on TV and hear the characters say, "That's happening to me now."

Crossovers: Be prepared soon for a 'crossover' of Characters. Specifically, 'Death' into 'Found' as both are set in Seattle. Why? Because the scenes that occur fit what is needed and if you don't live in the area let me tell you as we state up this way, "It is a large city with a large/small Gay Community!" Meaning? You're likely to find someone that knows your Ex, current boyfriend or latest conquest! It's not like going to LA or NYC and never really seeing that last trick again, LOL! Hence the crossover and the fact that the characters work together within their respected careers.

Enjoy the game!

TJay

Chapter 27 of Tomorrow

Well, Chapter 27 of Tomorrow is complete and I've been able to address a few things that the characters 'have been speaking' to me about. I think most of you may be surprised on a couple points in the story (Kelly, Josh, Billy and Rex) and with Jase.

As to what happens with the four guys, well, you're just going to have to read and make up your own minds. I'm being a bit evil here. As to Jase, there is something for many to talk about...

FOUND: I will be starting this soon. I've just got things alligned there.

DEATH: Chapters 9 and 10 are set to be edited but it will be a bit before they are complete.

TJay

ATTRACTION IS 9/10's OF THE LAW

Here I sit in green boxers and an orange t-shirt doing the reverse 'Aquaman' garb thinking about the conversation I had last night with a young lady friend (still at the ripe old age of '18') at my friend's wine bar. I stopped by after my meeting to see everyone and let them know that I was 'alive' and still going after dealing with being sick.

I'd brought the new Genre magazine (well, December's issue and the last one since I'm not ordering it. It came free with a personal ad that I'd composed last year; which got me nowhere, BTW). I figured I'd thumb through it and talk as opposed to working on stories while I sit at the bar 'knoshing' and having something to drink. We were looking at the men (BTW, the mag's changed and not for the better with the new editor taking over) and discussing their pro's and con's as other friends stopped by to comment as well. The funny thing is that this 18 year old female thinks the same way I do. Men can be too pretty.

That's right, I said it. Men can be to pretty. Most of the 'boys', and I do mean boys, in these magazines are poster children for the 'S & M' crowd (that's 'Stand and Model' not the other ***whip cracking in the background****) of Gay, Bi and Metrosexual men out there today.

She and I had a long discussion about what it means to be 'attractive'. For both of us, we like to see a bit of scruff on a man. Why? Machismo? Macho? What it is to be a man? Possibly, It's attraction. Plain and simple. They look good. Example: Latinos. The next thing I heard was one of my other friend's say, "Ok, but what about your attraction to Asian men as well? You 'Rice' seeker." Actually they used the term 'Rice Queen' till I raised an eyebrow.

They know me well enough to know that last description doesn't fit me in the least bit. I will admit, like most gay men, I have my moments of drama but generally you'll find me having no issue with mucking out a horse stall or using my hands. I hate cats (well, that's rather strong but with few exceptions, I don't care for them in the least bit) but I still will clean out the bloody litter box.

"Asian men can have a masculinity about them," I shot back quickly and opened the laptop to prove my point.

'Thank's to Paul for this pic'

I could post some more but I'm not sure if those who read this are ready for 'Mr. Nude Asia' or Mr. 'Hot Tamale'.

Which brings me back to attraction and my friends/acquaintences. I guess really is that I've been thinking about this since reading a friend/acquaintence Blog post for a while now and how they describe themselves even after being 'manhandled' by those around them. He's a Physician in Malaysia (incredibly smart and witty) and yet still thinks of himself at times (at least in posts) as less than attractive (At least your getting 'manhandled' Sung! I think the last time I was in that situation was when I had a full physical!). What do we see in our attractions? I know I've recently been made aware of men who are skinnier and built who are totally and completely attracted to big, burly, hefty bearish men. Is it true that opposites attract? That's hard to say at times due to what I see on certain sites and if/when I go out to the bars. I know that I'm not hit on very often and then when I am I get concerned whether I'll have to call 'Nine-eleven' due to the 'freak' factor that arises. Remind me to tell you of the time the guy in his late 50's and in a 'diaper' jumped out at me during Pride.

All thing considered, what is attraction?

Chapter 8 of Death: Well, I'm heading into finishing it up, finally. Look for it soon.

Tomorrow: I have the opening of the Chapter in my head and now have to get my ass in gear and start writing.

Found: It's there and relatively complete in my mind but again I have to start writing.

What's taking me bloody, fucking forever? I've been reading. I've fallen into my I need romance phase again and I need to feel wanted romantically. So, like some sodden, lonely housewife (although, I'm single) who deals with a husband that comes home, eats, burps, farts, scratches his ass while she sits and reads either in the chair or in the bedroom dreaming of being taken away; I've sat at my computer and done the same thing. Problem is, the wooden deskchair (even with the cushion) is not condusive to doing so and I end up with my back bothering me, kinks in my legs and my ass feeling numb. But what's a numb ass for a fleeting moment of 'wishing'.

TJay